[SATIRE] Pungu's 97.45% Accurate Review of Alpha

Civil War's sure been tough so far, huh? 

For Alpha, that is!

We're on our fourth day now, and Alpha's attempts at winning have really turned out lacklustre. 

So.. Alpha. I know you're all reading this in your HQ, screaming and raging at the facts I'm spitting.

Alpha HQ

My following words are directed to those Alphas. The ones who think spamming a giant paragraph of "RED ALERT" as hype would increase their chances of winning!

Look, Alpha. Look who supports Echo.

Famous Penguins are 100% Proven to favour Echo

Not only them, but someone else! Someone you should all respect.

The ACP Bunnyduck themselves!

Mr Google told me this, he'd NEVER lie! (Unlike Alphas)

I know that the people reading this will either be in Echo and want to laugh at something, or in Alpha and require saving. The following will convince you that Echo is obviously the best choice.

Alpha make their soldiers wear boots that are way too small, leading to "Alphaitis", a form of chronic pain that you'll definitely feel when you're 80.

The "Mating Call" of the average Alpha Soldier. Wildly unattractive.

And now a tour of the aforementioned "Alpha HQ." (I've gotten a secret inside source to get me this pictures.)

Alpha Canteen

Alpha Bathroom

Alpha "Games Room"

Alpha Dodgy Basement

As the final part of my review, I secured an Interview with a former Alpha soldier, who wishes to speak out against them.

And there I thought the licking stuff was just a meme....

As you can see, not the Team you'd want to be part of. 

Remember! If you're in Alpha, require rescuing,and don't want to be licked, make sure to contact a moderator and ask to become Echo! Also make sure to react in #civil-war-schedule or face being scarified to Keynikki's weiners. 

Also please give me feedback, this was my first post e1e1e1e1

Pungu

British Person who isn't Max